Regrets
by HikaKaoisLife
Summary: Kaoru is desperate to have his twin. When he confessed, he did not expect what happened next. Please bare with me it summary sucks, but I can say that the story is good! This js my first time, so yeah...


Hello! This is my first time ever making a fanfiction. And I am happy that it is about my favorite twin characters! Yay!

Btw, this is originally planned as a one-shot, but decided against it, as to how you may react. if you want the part two, just review! Feel free to criticize, after all, this is my first time. Please bare with me if there are some wrong grammars, English is not my native language..

Now, on with the story!

He is sitting in the far side of the famous Music Room #3, sitting lonely, gazing longingly upon his brother. His _twin_ _brother_ , Hikaru, is busy chitchatting to their crossdressing friend, now Hikaru's 'secret' girlfriend. Of course, all the costumers of the Ouran High School Host Club, as well as everybody (seeing as to how they are famous, after all), sees Haruhi as his brother's 'boyfriend'. Which is pretty ridiculous, Kaoru thought, but he can't possibly question as to how the ladies thought of Haruhi, after all, she is somewhat manly.

"Kaoru, were going. Me and Haruhi are going on a date. So, don't wait for me!"

Hikaru disturbs Kaoru's thoughts, who in turn looked at the mesmirizing golden orbs of his brother.

He must had a funny face while looking at his Hikaru, as to how said person's question were asked..

"Kaoru, are you ok?" his brother asked, concern lacing upon his perfect face.

"I'm ok. Go now, Haruhi is waiting. Just enjoy yourselves!" he forced a smile to his features, silently praying his brother would not notice it was fake...

"Ok.. But I'll be home before you know it." His brother then kissed his forehead, then ran happily towards his girlfriend, not glancing back to his twin even once..

'He _is_ so happy with her, just like the way he _was_ happy with me.' Kaoru thought, fighting back the tears that are threatening to flow from his eyes. 'He doesn't even glance at him anymore, especially when Haruhi is there... **Haruhi**...' he hissed the name venomously. 'How come she destroyed the walls of our world, the one we built so hard for many years of being isolated. How come she destroyed it with just one sentence, the sentence that shows how different we were.'

Why had he thought were, instead of are?

'Of course, ever since she came into our life, he became so distant, that we became so different that I wouldn't be surprised if everyone can tell us apart.' He thought bitterly, sighing loudly.

"Kao-chan, what's wrong? Is it Hika-chan again?" said the boy-lolita of the club, by which, Kaoru did not understand how the senior came without him noticing. 'Well, I did it again. I do it almost evertime I'm alone,' he thought. "Did Hika-chan said something wrong?" Honey-senpai broke his thoughts again, urging him to look at the smaller boy.

Of course everyone else knew..

Well, except _them,_ anyway..

By now, Kaoru couldn't help but cry, knowing no one will judge him in the safe walls of Music Room #3. Besides, he could not contain the pain anymore. What is the use of holding back years if the person who caused it isn't around anyway?

"Shhh, _arrête de pleurer, fils_. Stop crying, stop crying.." By now, most of the host club members, especially Tamaki (which is surprising, given the fact that he is the most idiot and dense of them), are comforting him. Well, except Kyouya, who is busy writing in that damned notebook of his.

And of course Hikaru _and_ Haruhi, because they _are_ in a _their_ date.

With that trail of thought, his sobbinggrew louder, his body shaking uncontrollably.

"Kaoru, you should take some rest. If this continues, you will be weak tommorow, and therefore can't entertain ladies and in turn, profits will drop."

Damn Kyouya and his profits...

"Mommy, you shouldn't be like that! Our son is already at the dephts of despair, at the sea of sadness, at the valley of..."

Kaoru stood up abruptly, wanting to leave, partly because he wanted to stop the wailing of their idiotic 'lord', and partly because he wants to be alone.

 _Alone._ He _never_ thought he would be alone in his life.

"I-its ok T-tono. I should leave. Its already late." He stammered, looking anywhere but his _friends._

"Its ok, Kao-chan. See you tommorow! Rest ok!" Honey-senpai happily cheered as he walked away, holding back the tears that once again threatened to fall.

As he walked down the halls of the Ouran Academy, he couldn't help but feel desperation and _need._ Oh how much he needed his older brother. He needed those kiss, the hugs, and those cuddles that could make him feel better even those of his worst times..

He finally made it through the gates of their school, realizing how late it was. He called their butler (which was worried as to where their young masters could be) and told him to get the limo in the school immediately. When the limo arrived, the driver asked Kaoru where was his brother and he couldn't hide the bitterness in his voice as he answered it. Thankfully, the driver did not notice it (or rather, decided against questioning his master, probably because he thought he was Hikaru, the bad tempered one).

The ride back home was eerily silent, which is sometimes broken by the ocassional sobs raking through the younger twin.

'I _need_ him. I _want_ him. I _love_ him.' Those were the words that he repeatedly said in his head, knowing it was the truth. Heck, he was disgusting. Who in their right mind would love their twin, much less their _identical_ twin? Would he be narcisstic? Would he be a criminal? Of course he is not narcisstic, because he love Hikaru not because of his looks, but because of his personality (but saying he is not attracted to Hikaru because he is handsome would be a complete lie, either). But, maybe he really is a criminal. _Incest_ , much less _twincest_ , is wrong. It is illegal and punishable by law. He couldn't help but be angry to the makers of the law. Not everyone is given the chance to be happy, because of discrimination. They want to punish anyone who dares break their law even though the law is _wrong._

'But, when me and Hikaru are together, we are invincible, right? We never cared what others thought.' Hope bubbled through his chest, after all, maybe he has a chance to get Hikaru...

'But, what about Haruhi?' He asked himself, hope leaving him as fast as it came.

'No, Hikaru loves me. I will get him from that commoner no metter what.' Determination rised through his features, he'll confess and get his brother _now!_

The limo stopped, signalling him to get out of his trance, and to get out of the mobile. He ran to the to the doors of the Hitachiin Estate, excitement flowing through him. 'At last, I'll get my brother back!'

He hopped to the stairs, taking two steps at a time. He ran to their shared bedroom, but when he opened the door, he saw not only his brother, but also Haruhi...

The excitement that coursed through him were instantly replaced by anger and betrayal.

"Kaoru! You know what? Me and Haruhi went to the amusement park and we... Kaoru? What's wrong?" Hikaru asked, gently brushing his fingers upon his twin's cheeks, and pulled him in a hug.

Kaoru felt protected and safe in his brother's arms. His sobbing (though he did not know when did those goddamn tears escaped, seriously? When will those tears leave him alone?) stopped, and he felt his body pulling away from his brother before crashing their lips. Haruhi gasped.

The instant Hikaru's lips were on his own, he was shoved away forcefully by his twin.

"Kaoru? WHAT THE HELL?" Kaoru's eyes once again rimmed with unshed tears, before forcing himself to answer back.

"Hikaru, I love you! You love me too, right? Right?" He said, awaiting his beloved's reply.

"Kaoru! You know it's illegal! And even if it isn't, I would _never_ love you! I _only_ love Haruhi, and I _will_ only love her! You're disgusting, self-centered, freak!" Hikaru spat, destroying Kaoru oh so fully.

"But you love me! I can see it in your eyes everytime we gaze into each other in the club..." he replied, desperation evident in his voice.

 _How could this happen?'_ "No Kaoru, I _don't_ love you, and I _never_ will! Now, get out of _my_ room, I don't want to see your face anymore!" his brother spat, pushing him out of _their_ room, now _Hikaru's_ room. He walked away, tears now flowing freely from his orbs.

'Hikaru don't love me. It just means I am _no longer needed_ in this world...'

He no longer cared about what the maids think as he passed them by. Of course, there is no use because he will be leaving soon. He went to their kitchen, which thankfully, contained no maids or cooks to watch him. He grabbed a small pocket knife, and dashed to the nearest guest room.

He opened the door, went inside, and closed it. Though, he didn't locked it, after all, he wanted someone to find his body.

He went to the closets, which, in his delight, contained a paper and a ballpen. He went straight to the room's workdesk, and wrote a letter for his beloved twin.

After making the letter, he sluggishly went to the bed. Grabbing the knife from his pocket, he positioned it to his left wrist.

 _'My life is nothing.'_ One _slice._ _'Hikaru doesn't love me.'_ Two _slices._ _'I am pathetic.'_ Three _slices._ _'I am a disgusting freak.'_ Four _slices._ _'Hikaru doesn't care if I die'_ Five _slices._

Kaoru lost count as to how many cuts he had inflicted in his sinful body. He made cuts across his arms, and his once perfect torso. Though painful, the cuts had ironically made him feel better, knowing the pain would finally come to an end.

'Kaoru Hitachiin: died due to blood loss. Committed suicide after being rejected by his brother.' he snickered, feeling more pathetic than ever. He is oh so tired, so many blood had been lost in his system.

At last, as he felt death looming over him, he glanced at the door. Just before he plunged into the realms of death, he saw his beloved twin brother come from the door.

 _'Hikaru, I love you...'_

Is it sad? Please tell me what you think! The part two will be in Hikaru's point of view.. And the leyter Kao-chan made is in the second chapter too!

If you want chapter two posted soon, please fave and review!


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